For too long have I allowed my insecurities and bad habits to prevent me from attaining true freedom!
For too long have I created barriers to my own manifestation of my very greatest self!
For far too long have I dwelled in alternating states of growth and decay – never quite maintaining a peaceful, purposeful life!
This needs to change.
And it can. Right this very moment.
What I NEED to do right now, and in every moment, is to channel my energy into the things that build me up, the things that serve me, the things that will ultimately lead to further growth. But wait, I already knew this over a year ago. So why has nothing really changed?
I’ve often wondered whether I’m simply meant to just dwell in this state of fear, immobility and stagnation. But then I realise that the reason why I feel so damn afraid is because I’m wasting my true potential. I’m simply not living as my best self. IF I were truely meant to just live the way I have been living, then I would feel GREAT. There would be no fear, no anxiety, no self-created suffering because I would be following my higher path, cultivating positive experiences and helping myself and others to be the very best we could be.
But I’m not doing any of those things – at least not on a regular basis.
So HOW do I consistently stay in a higher state of being? I seek an answer to this question.
I’ve found that in the past, that if I just keep expressing my raw thoughts and feelings, I eventually end up answering the question at hand on my own. I definitely feel that we each contain the answers we seek, we just need to remember them – like a person with amnesia realising who they really are.
So again, how do I live as that greater self, free from fear and anxiety?
I think that it definitely begins with reminding myself each day of my higher purpose and of the potential I have to do great things in my own life and in the lives of others. Each day when I wake, I should remind myself of why I decided to keep on going in this life, why I haven’t “opted out”. I need that higher purpose in my mind, in my being each and every day. I think that all of the times when I have slipped back into self-destructive habits, it is because I forgot this higher goal that I am reaching for and I’ve allowed myself to seek momentary pleasure to escape from the challenge of reaching that goal.
So again, remind yourself each day of why you want to be your greatest self. And that reason is:
“My potential to do great things in my own life and in the lives of others is truely infinite!”
Write this on your wall. Look at it each day. It will serve to guide you and remind you of why you are doing this.
I already know what I should be doing – this is something I have said before. But I’ve lacked the motivation or passion to follow through with it. Part of that is because I’ve found an escape and a comfort in marijuana. It really is a great, sacred, healing plant. But when you abuse it, like I have, it punishes you and allows you to fall into an abyss of loneliness and pain. It does this as a final resort to waking you up from this self created misery. And so for this, I only have respect for this plant. I cannot blame this sacred tool for the pain I have felt – I only have myself to blame. And that’s okay. I accept this.
So, in order to do the things I know I SHOULD be doing, the first step is to remove my dependency on the things that make it far too easy, the things that allow me to escape the challenge of becoming my greatest self. This includes pot, but also excessive time spent playing video games, watching mind-numbing videos and obsessively pursuing sexual pleasure. Let me be clear that none of these (except the mind-numbing videos) are necessarily “bad”, but for me they have no place in my life at this point – because I use them as a way of escaping from my responsibilities from my friends, family, work and studies and because I use them as a way to feel momentarily comfortable in order to avoid the greater challenge which I wish to overcome: leaving this state of fear and immobility and moving towards a higher state of love, creativity and growth.
After I finish expressing these thoughts, these insights, these ambitions for my life, I need to remove all of these escape mechanisms from my life – as much as I can possibly can. I have already committed to a life free from dependency on pot, this plan is in motion and I have some support for this. I will remove everything that makes it possible to play video games and rearrange my workspace to better suit my goals – to replace time wasting games with beneficial time spent learning valuable knowledge and working on myself. This means DELETING all games, software and removing components necessary for gaming, whilst still maintaining the components required for writing music (as this is a highly beneficial creative outlet). Next, I need to delete accounts or restrict my access to sources of mind-numbing videos. This one will be hard as there are some sources that provide highly beneficial visual content. So, instead I will need some visual reminder on my devices to keep me focused on the positive, beneficial content. And lastly, I need to recognise the unhealthy habit I have formed for reckless sexual gratification. This does not mean I view sexual pleasure as unhealthy – in fact it is an essential component of being a living being – what it does mean however, is reframing the way I relate to sex and recognising it for the sacred and powerful act that it is, by returning a greater level of respect for our sexual energy and changing my intentions behind sexual pleasure.
So, in essence I MUST:
- No longer depend on external “pleasures” such as habitual use of pot for comfort and escape
- Remove the time-wasting escape activities including video games and mindless videos
- Reframe and change the way I view sexual pleasure
- Recognise each and every day that I am capable of SO MUCH MORE
One final thing that I recognise as being incredibly important throughout this is that I keep myself accountable. I have people around me that would help keep me on track – but I do not want to overburden them with this and instead I want to focus on how I can help them as through this I will inevitably help myself. But, in order to maintain some level of accountability I have access to a network of individuals online, in communities and forums – some of which I am already actively participating in. It makes more sense to me to go to these online communities as nearly everyone there is dealing with more or less the same struggles and issues. I also have this blog, which although nobody reads it, it goes a long way to keeping myself accountable – if I check it regularly and gaze back at previous posts to see where I was in comparison to today.
I think this is enough for now. Its time to make this real – I simply am running out of opportunities to manifest the very best for my short time in this vessel on this Earth.